Welcome to Random Red Monkey. Please feel free to take a look at some of my work which includes but is not limited to photos, poetry, screenplays, misc. artwork and pleas for money on a regular basis. I am just starting out so I will be adding to and updating regularly. You will also be able to stay informed on my condition as I will be documenting everything. Since I have also recently been diagnosed with RSD I will be including all of the information I can on this debilitating condition. (NOTE: If you do decide to make a much needed donation in any amount you will receive a copy of one of my works which I like to refer to as my Random Red Monkeys, thus the name). If nothing else at least this starving and in a heap of debt soul will not feel so guilty for resorting to cyber begging when I am making an attempt to share a big part of myself with the world.
POETRY: Beyond Affliction A blackened sky unfolds it's wrathful arms revealing tainted fingers to thrash about silent green hills Peasants knowing only but to crawl amongst themselves on feeble knees dragging their sickened hearts through fields of broken stone A final drop of innocence wrung the desert child's soul Loins paralyzed longing to posses the touch we call desire Minds lost in millennium suffocated saturated in a tidal wave called crimson Sightless hands searching an infinite thicket as a cold eye lifts to the burning glare of this steely sword Beyond affliction lies a mirrored reflection in the silver moon  Home Unknown Huddled dwellings lined in cardboard and tattered plastic heavy from the cold dampness of yesterday's rain Gaunt bodies wrapped in layers of soiled cloth and matching faces maimed by wandering rejection and inability Whispering lips dictating the direction of a pointing finger ignoring the fact that friendliness has fallen in love with the thought of loneliness One dirty blanket to cover a pair of shoeless feet and the occasional clanking of coins against an old coffee mug become the evening's sweet lullaby as nightfall stirs from it's slumber and a rainbow of broken glass offers light to the narrow paths that shelter themselves in the shadows of a home unknown  Yellow Gingham Eyes washed in slate resting deep within the sockets of scrutiny give birth A girl with no name is born into the looking glass of syndrome Thinning chestnut hair brushes against a frail shoulder as springtime's breath flows through an open window a window she is no longer able to close Disgust spills from the mouth of ignorance in conversations that carry themselves away from suspecting ears Disheveled pill bottles atop a bedside table that has felt the fist of rejection pound fiercely at it's sturdy grain Fear confessing to the thievery of a passion for life tormented imprisoned by the constant miscarriage of hope She lay still sleeping in sheets of yellow gingham  Man Contradicted By Man The scent of fire fills the sky from not far away drawing warmth from the cradling arms of another uncertain day Poison rains glisten dropping their daggers upon us sharp corrosive biting at the whole Infected air feeding the breath of new life covering footprints so small traced in the greyness that falls daily with deceit from above Mistaken for rubbish mounds of charred flesh weep in sorrow as the sin of man asks will there be another tomorrow Springtime "2004" Framed by a long window blackbirds spiral in a mating dance over a small grove of budding plumeria trees painting themselves against a metallic sky Bulbs have gracefully uncoiled from beds tucked in a straw-like blanket spreading their velvet petals in lillac gold and carmine Dawn sprinkles it's yellow-green irridesence over a garden of tiny seedlings as two fat beetles wrestle in a mound of compost and the smell of rain upon rich dark soil intoxicates it's new patrons  |
PHOTOS: ( These are completely amateur and I only have an inexpensive camera to work with but, I am thankful that I at least have the opportunity to capture the moments that inspire me). 
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Another Shade Of Grey Frozen inside these walls of grey I can not tell if it is night or day Undaunted voices dig and scratch and writhe to get in but all I hear is the constant hummm... of Grey Maybe it's just me or maybe it was simply the words those words meaning everything and nothing They scream diligently but none get in and none get out Stillness reflecting in eyes of cold cold grey I listen but only sad mumbles make their way I do not hear what they say because their words are spoken in a another shade of grey Wounded Voices Dimly lit hallways echo hidden cries that offer only salty memories to parched droplets once warm with life Stains on an ivory gown Fingers twisted and quivering wipe furiously at burning trails of grief Lungs battling against a petrified body insistent on holding it's heavy hand across her gaping mouth Strength does not live here There is only numbness as he seizes a delicate neck And in all of the disbelief her eyes volunteer to tell a story that is as bruised and broken as it's endurer Sunlight grows drowsy now and drifts without effort until her head rests upon the softest edge of hirizon  Hunger's Child Fiery winds blow from the North carrying the pleading cries of faceless beggars Breasts once swollen and dripping with silken honey unable to provide a taste for the mouth of innocence Tiny sandaled feet carrying their hardened bellies across drought ridden fields that stretch to the horizon in hopes of finding something... anything that may offer some sustenance For a moment the fluttering wings of a blackbird sheaths the sound of hunger's painful moan Little child weep... weep at the foot of a great nation as you stand naked a few grains of rice in hand *********************************************************** *********************************************************** SCREENPLAYS: (if you like the synopsis for a particular script please email me and I will send you a copy of the complete screenplay to read). Title: Kiss Of The Butterfly Genre: Supernatural / Horror Feature length / 99 pages Synopsis: A young woman tormented by unexplainable visions discovers the haunting realm of a dark family secret exposed by a trip to Africa, a grandmother sworn to secrecy and the unleashing of an ancient evil terror that may equal deathly consequences for not only herself but all those connected to her. Title: Blooddrunk Genre: Horror / Graphic Modern Day Vampire Short / 30 pages Synopsis: A unique vampire clan battle to survive against the New Age Underworld Laws entangled in a never ending web of deception, drugs, alcohol and synthetic blood. Title: The Tough Luck Cafe Genre: up in the air Short / 4 pages Synopsis: A down on her luck waitress wins the lottery. ******************************************************* ******************************************************* MORE RRM's   
     
  
 ************************************************************ ************************************************************ IN THE WORKS: I am currently 8 pages in on an untitled short script based on a group of adolescence who spend the night in an old cemetery. * * I am also 38 pages in on a feature script entitled "Echo Crossing". It is of the Supernatural/Horror genre. * * I am preparing for a photo project that will be a sort of self portrait. It is completely experimental and I don't know how much of it I will be able to do with one hand but, I plan to start on it this coming weekend (August 23rd,2008). ************************************************************* ************************************************************* PERSONAL PHOTOS OF ME AND MY PRECIOUS PUPS: It's Mine!... No, It's Mine!  Pretty In Pink  My Little Tree Climbers  Me And My Pooches  Sweet Rosie  Just Playin Around  Zoe In Her Famous Stance  Mellow Zoe  Is It Raining yet?  ********************************************************* Zoe & Rosie love HALLOWEEN! 
MORE RANDOM PHOTOS:    This is a photo I took at a local cemetery... I have always had a fascination with them. I find them beautiful and tranquil.  Here is grandma Carrie... at nap time of course. I think she looks like Mrs Claus...  | 
 * THE STORY BEHIND THIS WEBSITE * I moved to a very small town in Wyoming about a year and nine Months ago. The purpose of the move was to take care of my boyfriend's 83 yr. old grandmother. When we first arrived I worked a part-time job in the evenings so I could be with her during the daytime while he was at work. Several months passed and she was unable to be left alone for any period of time so, I quit my job and committed to caring for her full time. I do not receive payment for this however, I do live in her humble home rent free. Funds were tight with just my boyfriend working at this point. On June 13th, 2008 things got worse when I had an accident that resulted in an emergency room visit, surgery, doctors visits and currently me having to see an Occupational Therapist 3-4 times a week which is also very expensive. It has been a painful experience on both the physical and emotional levels. I am told that I will probably not have use of my hand for a year. I am also experiencing some complications which may lead to having another surgery. We live in a town that is predominately a coal mining and oil field community so, there are not a lot of choices for women. I have applied for jobs that I feel I may be able to do but, no one really wants to hire someone with an injury and who is unable to use both hands. I guess I don't blame them but, what else is a person supposed to do? I was previously waitressing which is out of the question now due to the fact that I am unable to use my right/ dominate hand. I do not have health insurance so, that means I am responsible for paying everything. I have tried so many things including searching for grants, non- profits, misc. foundations that I thought might be of some help. I even checked out temporary disability which doesn't apply to me because you have to actually be disabled for a full year before you can apply. I have tried family services and they only have programs for women with children and families. Oh yeah, here's a good one... Have you heard of those work at home/online businesses? Well, all I can say is that my only conclusion is that they are all scams! Things are really rough and I am under a lot of stress especially with having all of the responsibility of physically caring for someone else when I have my own physical problems at hand. I've never felt so helpless. I feel trapped in the deepest darkness with not a speck of light in sight. I guess I am grateful that I can at least sit here and hen-peck with my left hand on my keyboard to ask for help from total strangers online (sarcastic). The boyfriend and I are on very shaky ground and my medical bills are at about $12,000.00 and rising daily. I can't even provide for myself and if I weren't allowed to be where I am right now for free I would be homeless. If someone could provide me with something that I haven't already tried it would be greatly appreciated. I am not someone just begging for a handout. My goals are to start getting these bills paid off and to move out of the situation I am in and start fresh. I really do need help and so, I thought since I am into a few different art forms including amateur photography, screen writing, poetry, and just any form of self expression... Why not! It's a pretty large nutshell but, there you have it. PHOTOS OF ME AND MY NEW PINK FRIEND:
This is called a Duckbill Splint... and once I'm through with it I am going to use it for a Pooper-Scooper!  MEDICAL UPDATE: Well, it looks like I won't be using the old Duckbill for a pooper-scooper any time soon... Yesterday (08/29/08) I saw my doctor and therapist and I have now been diagnosed with something called RSD. I had never heard of until now. I guess it is a fairly complicated syndrome because it can be brought on by several different things, however, they are pretty sure that mine is due to my injury and surgery. It seems to be a chronic pain type of thing related to the nervous system and becomes progressively worse over time. It already hurts like hell so, I don't want to think about how much worse it can get. I have to go to the hospital next Friday to have a procedure done. It is called a Stellate Ganglion Sympathetic Block. I guess they go in through your neck and put something in to block the nerves which in return stops the pain for a period of time. It is not a guarantee that it will work but, If there is a chance I am willing to go through with it. The Doc says that we'll have to wait a little while to see if it works and then we move on to the next surgery. I admit that I'm a little scared but, I feel everything will be okay. I guess I'm in for a little more pain and a lot more bills... DOCUMENTING THIS: I wish I had documented things from the very beginning but, I guess it's better late than never... So, I've decided to start documenting my ordeal from here on out. I will do this with photos and of course journaling. The first surgery wasn't so bad as far as surgeries go but, I would have liked to have been able to share the actual experience with everyone. As I previously mentioned I am having a procedure done on Friday Sept. 5th. I plan to take my camera in and I will post the photos as soon as I can.   RSD AWARENESS: ( Information I have collected from medical sites, research, etc.) Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) also known as Complex Regional pain Syndrome (CRPS), is a chronic pain, neurological syndrome. RSD is a malfunction of the central nervous systems, which causes pain and additional symptoms. RSD effects millions of people in the United States. This is not a new disorder. It has been documented all the way back to the Civil War. If not treated aggressively and correctly RSD spreads rapidly. Symptoms of RSD include: ( Not all patients experience the exact same symptoms) - chronic pain - severe intense burning pain - pathological changes in bone - headaches - excessive sweating - tissue swelling - muscle spasms - anxiety - depression - short term memory loss - insomnia - tremors - visual disturbances - extreme sensitivity to touch - dramatic changes in the color & temperature of the skin over the affected area - skin sensitivity The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and strokes describes RSD as a chronic pain condition due to the result of a dysfunction in the central or peripheral nervous systems. Typical features include dramatic changes in color and temperature of the skin over the affected limb or body part, accompanied by intense burning pain, skin sensitivity, sweating, and swelling. CRPS1 is frequently triggered by tissue injury; the term describes all patients with above symptoms but, with no underlying nerve injury. Patients with CRPS2 experience the same symptoms but their cases are clearly associated with a nerve injury. RSD pain may begin in one limb or area and then spread to other limbs. Currently there is no cure for RSD, the goals of treatment include 1) controlling and minimizing pain to the greatest extent possible; 2) re- establishment of function to the RSD-affected limb; 3) preventing progression of the disease process to the late stage; 4) improving the patient's quality of life and psychological functioning. Here Is A photo Of my Hand As Of 09/02/08...  The scaring from my surgery isn't bad at all. The discoloration, shiny looking stuff, swelling, and blotchy spots are from the RSD. UPDATE ON STELLATE GANGLION BLOCK: Hi. Hope everyone's weekend is going well. Today is the day after my procedure, and I am just so glad that I actually made it through another day. The procedure did not go well at all. I had a bad reaction to it which isn't really common but, it does happen so, I had to stay in the hospital a little longer than anticipated. I have to admit though, it was frightening. After I came home from the hospital and the numbing medication wore off , I was in worse pain than I was before the procedure. I suffered with sharp shooting pains from the right side of my neck and spine and shoulder blade which shot down my arm and into my hand. It was also accompanied by a pounding headache. It was unbearable. The doctor wanted me to make a trip into the emergency room but, I did decline because I just can't see adding another One- Thousand dollar bill to my already existing bills. By 3:30 in the morning the pain had eased enough for me to fall asleep for a couple of hours. I am still experiencing the pain but it is at a level that I can at least bear now. I am not sure what % of people have gone through this but, if anyone asked me my opinion, I would definitely not recommend it. I am just going to rest today and hopefully when I see my orthopedic Dr. on Monday he will have some sort of solution. I was not allowed to take any photos at all in the hospital, however,I did receive a copy of a photo they took during the procedure. If anyone has any questions, or you would like more in depth details of exactly what happened please feel free to email me any time. This is the photo showing where they did the injection. The injection is made into the nerve which lies along the lower part of the larynx in the cervical region of the neck.  UPDATE 09/12/08: After seeing my doctor this week I really don't have much more to add except that we had a discussion about the Ganglion Block which consisted of him telling me that he wasn't sure why I had the reaction I did but, that he would recommend that I do not ever have another... Like I was even considering it! Anyway, he has now prescribed me a medication by the name of Lyrica, in hopes that it will give me some relief. I am in a great amount of pain so, I too hope that it helps. He doesn't want to prescribe me any pain medication even though my Therapist recommended it. I can't even imagine dealing with this sort of pain for another week. I have read stories of people who have had it for 25 years. The doctor wants to try and get my RSD under control before attempting my next surgery but, it seems that he is having some difficulty in finding the right treatment for me. I guess all I can do for now is hang in there and hope for the best. UPDATE 09/16/08: The past couple of days have been nothing short of hell! I have been in such intense pain that I have not been able to get out of bed. Had I known prior to this procedure that there was a chance it could actually spread my pain and even make it worse I may have at least given it a second thought and maybe not have had it done. I have had a pounding headache accompanied by the pain down my spine and in my right shoulder blade which shoots to the top of my shoulder and then into my arm and hand. I can only describe it as a constant, searing, intense pain that I have never experienced before.I don't know what to do except for wait it out. The Lyrica I was prescribed seemed to help with the swelling of my hand a bit for the first two days but, it has now returned. As for the pain, it really didn't do to much, however, it did make me very dizzy and light-headed, and sleepy. I guess those are the regular side effects that come with it. Anyway, I am trying to hang in there as best I can until I see my doctor again on the 25th. My therapist is very concerned about me and she genuinely cares about what is happening with me. She is unable to work on me any longer due to my RSD but, she seems to be the only real support I have right now. She suggested I go to Denver and be treated by an RSD specialist. It would be nice but, I can't even pay the bills I have already incurred here, and I can't make the trip with no money either. I also can't afford to put tires on my car. They are bald LOL... I guess you could say that I have made a mess of things. At least in Denver, which is where I moved here from, they have indigent programs and the University Hospital which also offers programs for people who are in situations like mine. I just don't know what to do anymore... I will continue to keep things as updated as possible and I can only hope for a miracle at this point. UPDATE 09/25/08 Hi everyone. Well, I just returned home from another visit to my doctor and since the Lyrica gave me bad side effects and did not really seem to ease my pain he discontinued my use of it. I am glad about that but, my pain is still in full force. I have some good days where I can pretty much function to a fairly normal degree, and then there are the bad days where I am in so much pain that I can't even get out of bed. The only thing that has come close to giving me any relief at all is sitting in a hot Epsom salt bath. It doesn't take the pain away but, it does soothe it a little. My doctor has now ordered an MRI due to the spread of pain in my right shoulder blade and down the right side of my spine as well as the headaches. He is unsure about what is causing it, and stated that it doesn't sound like it is related to my RSD. I find that strange because the pain occurred when I had that Stellate Ganglion block done Three weeks ago. He seems to think that on top of my RSD that I may have a ruptured disc in my neck or maybe a pinched nerve. Those were his thoughts as far as my spine/shoulder pain/ & headaches go. As for the RSD itself he now says that he doesn't want to do the other surgery because it can and usually does make it worse so, now I may not be able to have full use of my hand ever. It is really upsetting and I don't really know what I am going to do at this point. The bills of course are still piling up but, my health is more important than my credit at this stage so, I will just have to keep moving forward and keep trying to find some relief for myself. I just don't know how people do it! I have only been experiencing this for a few months and already I am at my wits end. I never really thought about people with a chronic pain condition before but now, it is all my mind can ponder. The pain consumes every minute of every day. I try to keep myself busy but, it is so difficult to concentrate on any thing. It is unforgiving, relentless, and devastating... I just want my life back. UPDATE 10/03/08 Hello again. I visited my doc yesterday after having the MRI the day before. He went over my results which showed only a small section of my spine that had excess fluid which he had no idea what the cause was. As for my right shoulder blade, he apparently didn't even look at it. I am not pleased to say the least but, what can I do. He also stated that the excess fluid shouldn't be causing me any pain and that I should just have another MRI in 6 mos. I am a little confused because I am still in terrible pain most of the time and he is not doing too much to help control my pain which is what I understand to be the most important part of treating RSD since there is no cure. I have now been prescribed a drug called Neurontin because I had very bad side affects from the Lyrica and it really did not help with the pain. It did however help a little with the swelling in my hand. I just wonder how many more meds and treatments I'll have to go through before I get some relief. I am at the point that I feel I need to seek out another doctor. I don't want to say anything bad about anyone but, being someone who has no medical insurance and no income unfortunately does change the way you are treated. It really makes me feel awful. I didn't ask for this to happen to me nor would I want anyone to have to go through this. I will just have to try and keep a positive attitude that things will work out for me on both the physical and financial levels. I will of course continues to keep things as updated as possible. I also want to thank those of you who are staying updated with me. I know that my credit is pretty much ruined at this point due to my outstanding med. bills but, I am still asking for donations or any kind of aid so that I may be able to get back on my feet and start paying some of these bills down. UPDATE 10/12/08 Hello everyone. It seems like it has been some time since my last post so, I thought I'd give a quick review. My next doc appoint. is on Oct. 20th, however, I have decided not to see this particular doctor any more. I am going to see a Pain management Specialist. More than likely it will be in Denver, Co. I was some how lucky enough to receive a gift/donation last week that enabled me to get caught up on some of the bills that were piling up for the past few months as well as getting tires for my car and having a little left over to make a trip to see an actual specialist in this field. I am also setting up a payment plan on one of my medical bills which is at least a start. I believe the last time I updated was after I was prescribed something called Neurontin. I suffered terrible side affects with it just as I did with the Lyrica. I just don't think my body was meant for all of these strange medications and treatments. I do understand RSD is a difficult disease to deal with and that doctors are somewhat baffled by it but, I almost feel like a lab rat at times. The doctor I have been seeing from the very beginning does not really seem to be too concerned with trying to control my pain. From all of the research and advice I have received, it seems to be the only thing that can really be done at this point. There is no cure for RSD. I can't have another surgery at this point either because it will most definitely make the RSD worse. I need the other surgery or I will not have use of my right hand so, it is a catch 22 I guess. The first thing on the list to do is to get it under control. That means getting the pain under control, getting the flare-ups under control, and then maybe attempt the surgery to repair my tendon and nerve. Four months of non stop pain has really drained me both physically and emotionally. Sometimes I feel like giving up but, I seem to always find the strength... I don't know from where it comes but, I find it and I try to keep moving. I hope that some day they find a cure for these kind of debilitating conditions. I will as usual, try to keep things as updated as possible. I'm sending peace and good thoughts out to those who are suffering today... I AM MAKING COPIES OF MY MEDICAL BILLS AVAILABLE TO THE PUBLIC: ( I will be posting and updating my bills here but, if anyone would like to receive actual copies of them please let me know and I will email them to you).       |
